Advice for your twenties, or if you know a twenty-something...
Life is often referred to as a journey. Every journey requires that you take one step after the other. The steps in the meantime are what makes up your life. Hopefully we end up at place we want to be, but we all know that when we look back on our life, it’s the experiences along the way that make up the life we have lived.
In our culture its no secret that people in their twenties and even early thirties are struggling with making sure that they’re headed in the direction they actually desire to go. A life of significance, fulfillment, and purpose. The rise of social media influencers who “seem” to have accomplished all of the above by the age of nineteen, twenty-four, or twenty-nine, has plagued young people with this idea that they have to have it figured out and be completely successful by the time they hit thirty. Trust me, I know this is true from experience.
The self-imposed (and sometimes external) pressure to seemingly have a life that’s all figured out leaves many of us feeling not like we’re thriving, but rather like we’re just surviving. I’m not just picking on socials, because keeping up with the jones’ has been around for a while, probably forever, but now it’s easier to see, and its easier to fake.
So, what should the strategy for anyone from 18-30ish years old be when walking down life’s path for a person who desires to take the correct steps, without falling into an existential crises every time we face a decision?
For starters, remember that times are different. Our grandparents and even parents were able to pay for college while working the night shift at the local coffee shop (I know this is a generalization). That’s just not possible. According to an educational data study, in 2020, 55% of undergrad students graduated with federal student loans. That number is lower than I expected, but its only counting federal student loans. However, the average low of that debt is around $23,000. My point is, it’s just a flip of the coin that depends whether a student walks away carrying a significant debt or not. Most stepping into careers, where the pay, starts low, and doesn’t have a lot of potential.
On the flipside, it’s important to remember all the stories of our parents who even in their thirties were busting their butt, living in a small rental, living off rice and beans, while raising babies. Though things were cheaper and opportunities more abundant, our parents still had their struggles to walk thru.
I don’t want to spend a lot of time talking about all the differences, but It is important to realize that as prices for homes, cars, groceries, and literally everything has gone up, most wages have slightly moved. So, to add to the pressure of trying to seem like we have it all together, there is a real fear in how we will make our money, and live a meaningful and impactful life.
The important thing that I try to remember is that I live in a country where I have access to clean drinking water, I have electricity, and as long as you are making an effort to move forward it’s nearly impossible to find yourself in a hole that you can’t dig out. The digging might suck, but for most of us, we just have to grab the shovel. Gratitude for what you do have and how far you have come is the best energizer to move forward.
So, as I am someone who is wrapping up my twenties and feels like I am in the juxtaposition of both having some accomplishments under my belt, feeling like I have contributed in a meaningful way so far, and still have moments of fear for what my future will look like; here are two tips I would tell my 20 year old self if I could go back and give him some advice.
YOU HAVE TWO LEGS:
If life is a journey made of our steps, then that means we take one step at a time, balanced by our two legs. Even if you’re in a wheelchair, it has two wheels, so this metaphor still works. My point is each step can be intentional, but they can be different. I’d like to propose that we designate each leg with a specific purpose. Your left leg should be the embodiment of risk, adventure, and purposeful failure. Basically the “Go big or go home” leg. And the right leg the embodiment of discipline, focus, and healthy routines. Essentially the growth leg.
Each step will take us a certain direction in life, but if we know each step has a designated purpose than we will feel better about the direction we are headed. Each step we take with our left leg, especially in our 20’s and early 30’s should be full of trial and error. Trying different jobs, starting a business, moving and traveling, etc. Simultaneously as we take each left legged step we balance it out with our right leg. Our right legged steps should be a collection of healthy habits of being a person who does what we know we could do to be who we know we could be. Things like showing up on time, eating healthier food, filling your mind with positive information, having the right friends, being a person of integrity, production, and learning new skills, etc.
As we take each step, we still may be unsure of where exactly we are headed but at least we will be balancing our self out with intentional steps. If you’re only a left leg, you may have big dreams and goals, but see little fruit; if we’re only a right leg then we’ll probably wake up thirty years from now wishing we would have tried different things, and taken more risk.
I love where I am in life, and I’m grateful for all of my experiences. However, the biggest mistake I feel like I made in my twenties was that I was so afraid of making mistakes. I was in such a hurry to try and make it to an elusive destination, that I realized I wasn’t giving myself enough room to really explore all the options that your early years offer. It wasn’t until one day that it hit me: what am I in such a hurry to do? To be old (no offense, but we all know time is the thing we can’t get back).
Again, this is tough for me because I still love how I spent my early years. I’m thankful I got married at 22, my wife truly has made me better. I’m thankful I spent seven years as a pastor at great churches, and I’m thankful that at 29 I get to be called “dada” by a tiny human. I wouldn’t change any of that for anything. But I do think I would change how much I walked around guarded from any type of mistake or failure.
Personally, It is still easier for me compared to most to take left legged steps, but many times I made decisions based around right legged perspectives.
I know this can seem a little euphoric and in the clouds. But my desire is to see more and more 20 and 30 year old’s less plagued by fear and failure, and to live more aw-inspired. It takes both types of steps to journey in the meantime in a meaningful manner.
Closing thoughts: I recently made a video compilation of all the things we have done this year and 2022 has been such a full year for the Riggs family. But even this year I have had so many moments where I have worn fear like a big winter coat. Yet, when I watched the video I made, none of the fear or stress seemed to show up. Only the joy of those moments. I’m not saying that we completely eliminate fear and stress, because no doubt there are times that those emotions help us make proper decisions. But joy and peace need to be our default emotions first.
As a young person, or heck just as a human, be willing to step into the mistakes worth making. As long as you balance out each step, I think we’ll find that we’re living a life that’s thriving. Life is literally a vapor, and the people that truly care about you are there to prop you up in the moments you stumble when making an admirable step!
IF YOU’RE A GUIDE:
Some of you reading this are far beyond some of us in our twenties and thirties. Our culture does a bad job at honoring those who have gone before us. I wish it wasn’t the case. But I feel like one way that we can get better at doing that is by having closer proximity to those who are ahead of us in years.
No matter what the news or society tries to tell you, young people are starving for meaningful and impactful relationships with older generations. We are standing on what you’ve built, but we need more of a nudge to keep climbing. I get it, you might say, “well nobody gave me a nudge.” That may be true, but that doesn’t prohibit you from being what you didn’t have.
Your kids, grandkids , or random twenty something you met, desires guidance. But not in the form of a critic, rather in the form of a coach. That when we make mistakes, or ask questions, you help correct not just criticize. It’s a hard job, we’re all so emotional lol, so I understand if it’s something you don’t really want to do. But those of you that do… your presence is necessary. We will probably do things and say things differently, but your wisdom is valuable, and just know you being on the sidelines rooting for us is the difference maker.